Season Greetings! As you know from time to time I love to share some of the emails I receive with you. This one is very close to my heart for many reasons. I pray as you read the Lord will minister to your heart. In all things…we must count the cost.

Often times people are eager to look at the “glamour” that comes with being a minister’s husband or wife. They admire the way the minister preaches, sings or ministers, and all they imagine is to be by the side of this minister as a spouse to have a glimpse of the “glory” and “attention”depending on the nature of calling. In as much as this admiration is not bad, it is treacherous for you to marry any person based only on what they do rather than who they are.

Beyond the man/woman you see with the velvet voice that mesmerizes you every sunday morming and the smartly dressed man/woman on that glass pulpit, is a real man/woman who is just like you. I have come across many people who marry a minister for all the wrong reasons, but few years down the line, the minister’s spouse is left frustrated because they expect the minister to constantly act up. The minister on the other hand is left depressed and almost drifting from his/her purpose and calling because of the many emotional diarrhoea that comes along marrying somebody who likes you just for what you do.

Vital Points to Note as a Minister

* Insecurity:- Beware of the Spirit of Insecurity. As a minister, you will have to relate and minister to people of the opposite sex. Although you’ll have to do this in a responsible manner, but the bottom line is that you still have to minister to the opposite gender. It is vital that your spouse knows this in order to avoid petty jealousy which can ruin your ministry, family and life. A minister’s spouse should be relatable, because by virtue of association with the minister, the spouse will have to relate with people without being too sensitive and personal.

* Flexibility: John 3:8 says, the wind bloweth where it listeth……….so is anyone born of the Spirit(KJV):- The life of a minister is very flexible because it is Spirit propelled, the spouse of a minister that doesn’t understand this might be frustrated, hence frustrating the minister. It is very good to be organised and planned up, but the work of the Lord sometimes requires sponteneous reaction and obedience which may go contrary to your plans. As a minister, if there is ever a clash between your will and God’s will, it is only wise that God’s will prevails, because at the end of the day, true ministry is all about God.

Selflessness:- To be a minister especially in these last days, God must come first. Putting your comfort before God’s is dangerous. Matt 6:33 Seek ye first the kingdom……. As a minister’s spouse, this concept is not just to be memorized, but it is to be lived. selfishness is the reason why some people are so mindful of thier needs and themselves much more than God’s work which is our primary purpose of existence.

Time: A minister depending on the nature of his/her ministry might have to operate under a tight schedule. A minister’s spouse that constantly wants the minister by his/her side may be asking for something a little too much. Some ministers travel all week and sometimes for months depending on the nature of their assignment. Some missionaries travel all year and visit only at intervals; a spouse that doesn’t understand this may nag a minister to an early grave. Although there should be a balance, but the fact still remain that the minister will not have the same time as the guy next door.

Finances: Although the messages of breakthroughs and living larger than life is constantly on the airwave including christian television, the truth still remains that whatever we have belongs to God. A minister can sometimes go through financial difficulty and if a ministers spouse is driven by material things, it could hamper thier relatonship. Just because a minister goes through financial difficulty doesn’t mean God has abandoned him/her, but it could be just for a season for the future good of the minister.

These are just a few Prices to pay out of many. Honestly it is a calling to be a minister’s spouse, the QUESTION now is ……..Do you still want to marry a Minister?
(c) Abraham Jones ‘Dec ’09



  1. I really like this. Well written. However, when you say, “they (the spouse) expect the minister to constantly act up,” do you mean to argue or react to the spouses constant nagging? Just wanted to know. Great job!

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  3. You sound like a truly remarkable “woman of God” Andria. Bless you as you do your work in His name….nice getting to know you

  4. Thank you for this post. I agree it take a certain kind of women or man to be a minister’s spouse. Just like a police officer’s or firefighter’s spouse. There has to be an understanding of the conditions of their role and the minister’s role.

  5. I really enjoyed this. You have touched on a few things that have been a confirmation for me. And I do agree with you, to be a minister’s spouse you will need to be called to that role as well. Peace & Blessings to you.

  6. I agree with what you say…but it is important to note two different situations.

    The spouse of the person who became a minister AFTER being married.
    The spouse of the person who was called BEFORE getting married.

    Some married and then their spouses became ministers later….I know couples where after this happened, the marriage fell into divorce.

    Then there are those who walked into the relationships “with eyes that could not see and ears that could not hear”. They say as you said only the “physical” and fell in “lust” with the flesh side. The nice clothes, the attention, and the status.

    I believe that this is why ministers have in some areas higher divorce rates than non ministers.

    The bottom line is, If Jesus is NOT the foundation of your marriage……then there really is no marriage….just an arrangement.

    And YES, I AM a ministers’ spouse….for 16 wonderful years. We’ve seen a lot and have learned….your relationship DOES NOT BELONG TO THE CONGRETATION!

  7. I like what you said and I believe one should be called to be a pastor’s wife. You can not be a suitable helper(Gen) to pastor unless you share the dream too serve people. A pastor’s wife needs to be a servant and be hospitable because sometimes people will have to sleep over and some not easy to deal with. The pastor will need your involvement in the ministry you cannot be a spectator. I wish as people we can pray for the people we should marry and allow God to Guide us to avoid disappointments and divorces.

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